ok...I'm back
We often hear bemoaning because of the expectations that are placed on young women because of the perfect people that are always shown from Hollywood. Truth be told, the same exxpectations are dumped on our young men as well. You know, every guy is 6'6", has washboard abs, a square jaw, no body hair and of course is rich. Young men too are so judged by these unreal and actually nonexistant standards.
As a result if you do not meet them you think you are a cast off...very very alone.
Male genital lymphedema is very probably the most devastating type of lymphedema. You feel like such a freak. So many people stare at you and look at you like you are indeed a freak or are some type of sexual pervert with the buldge in your pants.
When that happens you want to simply crawl into a hole and hide. You feel so ugly. You always want to be wearing a coat to hide yourself so that people don't notice. When people speak to you, you can't get them to look you in the eye because they are to busy staring at your pants.
At your son's age, the young people are worrying if they will ever find anyone who can accept and want them despite the lymphedema. You don't think you'll ever find that significant other or date, much less wind up getting married.
And of course, what makes it harder...who is there for you to talk too about your feelings? Teachers, pastors? Don't think so. I'm very close to 57 and this is something that even I have just began to share on.
When you have the leaking areas, you fell nasty and dirty too.
As I so found out as a parent of two myself, that even when the parent tries to reassure a teen, what they are thinking is that you are a mom or dad, you're suppose to say that to make them feel better. Keep saying those words, to be sure, but that is what they are thinking initially even as you speak.
Just think of how tough it is for a teen to find themselves, their identity, self image all those things teens go through and then toss in something like this....and this is even more difficult because of his learning disability.
Oh, also...on the surgery. One of the big helps there is that even if the swelling returns, those leaky areas and growths probably will not return. The surgery seems to be extremely helpful in eliminating those.
Somehow, he (others) have to be able to find that inner strength not to allow genital LE so form their self image. They have to develop a tough skin to ignore those who stare, who comment.
it's hard for them to understand from their perspective in the here and now that you also can have tons and tons of friends who frankly don't care about how they look.
And the reality is that even though they may find it hard to believe, many, if not most people with genital LE do find someone to love and be loved by...they get married...have children...and grandkids to boot.
You can also (and really should) be involved in as many activities as you can.
Despite the LE, I did have those friends, did get married....and yes now am geriactric enough to have one grandchild so far.
In school I was in many organizations, the band, chior, symphony and student council. In college, I served as student body president 3 out of my 5 undergraduate years....in two colleges. In one I was relected for a second term - the only other person that did that was back in the 40's when the school was started and was full of nothing but WWII vets.
As an adult I continued to be involved as much as I could and serve on many boards etc...and even sang with the Portland Philarmonic Chorale for a couple years. I'm saying this just as an example that you
CAN have a really cool life filled with lots of good memories.
He has to somehow learn to accept himself and develop all those talents and interests he has. This will really really help both in terms of emotions and self image. This is especially critical with his learning disabilities too. If he has interests, nudge him towards those as best you can.
Trust me, I'm not saying this stuff is easy....Lord knows it isn't.... it's very very tough....even seems impossible at times, but it all can happen. But, Mom, this is something he is going to have to do himself. As a parent you can only gently guide and always love.
Not sure anyone this helps, but just some basic gut-real feelings.
Much love and a big hug to both of you
Pat